Guide to Conduct and...

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Guide to Conduct and Ceremony

Part 2. Formalities concerning Family Affairs

Chapter 4. Marriage

Section 2. The Engagement

1. People should be mature adults when they get married.
2. When people want to find a mate, they may go to a marriage introduction center with family or civil registry, personal history, health certificate, photos, and a letter of intention. In order to choose a marriageable person, one looks at the other's documents. When one finds another who seems suitable, one makes a proposal to the other person through the marriage introduction center.
3. The one who is offered marriage needs to know well the personal record of the one offering. After a meeting with that person, if one likes the other, one needs to submit the letter of acceptance to the introduction center who will inform the other person. If the proposal is not accepted, one should also inform the introduction center of the reason.
4. After going through the steps of the above procedure, when both sides agree, the couple is engaged in the company of their parents, and witness. They must have a formal discussion about various events of the wedding.
5. It is permissible to have an engagement ceremony according to the current custom. If possible, avoid unnecessary formalities. The people involved must sign the marriage certificate preliminarily to demonstrate an official engagement.
6. An engagement ceremony, if it is held, should be performed according to the following order:
1) Opening
2) Introduction of the couple's brief history
3) Exchange of presents of faith
4) Mental affirmation
5) Greetings of relatives and introduction
6) Encouraging discourse
7) Closing.
7. It is good when a temple or general public institution can be used for the purpose of the marriage introduction center. It is also good that the couple is united through verbal introduction by relatives or close friends or on their own, depending on circumstances.
8. The old superstitious customs of choosing a wedding day according to horoscope data should be discarded and the decision about the wedding day should be made in such a way as not to cause problems for either side.
9. A letter of intention concerning the marriage and its response should be drawn up according to each side's situation and the marriage certificate must be filled out according to Ceremonial Text 17.

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